


not quite as alone

by cinderfell



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Panic Attacks, Post-Chroma Conclave Timeskip, crladiesweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 21:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10795281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderfell/pseuds/cinderfell
Summary: Vex finds that she has more in common with Cassandra than she thought.





	not quite as alone

**Author's Note:**

> me, showing up days late to the rest of crladiesweek: whattsup
> 
> day five of critical role ladies week! favorite platonic relationship, if only for all the raw potential here for these two.

There are few places Vex enjoys being more than the woods, but the Whitestone library is definitely among them.

(A short list of places Vex would rather spend her time than the woods:

  1. The library, pouring through the vast depths of knowledge that she’s not even sure she’ll make it through in her lifetime.  

  2. The Slayer’s Cake when all of them are there together, sampling new sweets and, admittedly, getting tipsy off of sweet wine.  

  3. The bed in her new home, curled up beneath her piles of blankets with Percy’s now familiar warmth beside her and Trinket snoring loudly on the floor next to them.  

  4. Wherever her brother is.  




On certain days this list won’t even hold up, however, as she’ll burn out from civilization and socialization and leave a note for Percy or Tary in her kitchen before disappearing into the woods for hours on end. Sometimes she just needs to get away, regardless of how much she loves this city and these people.)

She’s up on one of the ladders picking out a book from one of the higher shelves when she hears it: the muffled sound of erratic breathing and sniffles. She pauses, heavy tome in hand as she surveys the library from her perch. Rarely does she get to use her trained eye the way she used to nowadays. There’s no use for it, really, not now. But she’s ever-perceptive even when she’s a little rusty and immediately locates to source of the sound, which appears to come from behind a stack in the far corner of the library.

Vex’s mind immediately leaps to a maid or cook, somebody on the staff. She has sort of unofficially taken up the duty of tending to the staff, a job that both de Rolos seem grateful for her taking upon herself, and if it’s a member of the staff then she wants to know, wants to help if she can.

(After all, her roots and her mother’s roots lay in the working class, despite her recent elevation to nobility. The staff have taken to her quite well, grateful for somebody who seems to understand them.)

As she rounds the corner and looks beyond the stack, however, the sniffles and erratic breathing do not belong to a staff member, she finds. “Cassandra?”

The young woman’s eyes immediately dart up to meet Vex’s, the rest of her face covered by where she holds the sleeve of her dress against her to muffle the sounds of her crying. Her pupils are dialated, eyes rimmed red. The hand she holds up trembles. She’s sat on the floor, nearly in the fetal position and hidden as far back in the most isolated corner of the library.

Vex knows a panic attack when she sees one.

“L-Lady Vex’ahlia,” Cassandra says, her voice a croak around her ragged breathing, too quick, too rough. She immediately tries to stand and fails, falling back onto her rear with shaking arms and legs. “I didn’t realize you were here.”

“No,” she responds slowly, crouching down next to the younger woman. “I imagine you didn’t.” Vex skips right by the question of if she’s okay, because she has eyes and she already knows the answer. “How long have you been here?”

Cassandra flicks her tongue over her lips, eyes darting around frantically behind Vex. They’re alone, Vex knows, but Cassandra doesn’t. She blows right by the question. “Is Percival with you?”

That makes Vex’s brow scrunch together. “No? Cassandra, it’s just me.”

Cassandra’s hand shoots out, her fingers wrapping tightly around Vex’s arm. “Don’t tell Percy!”

Vex looks down at the younger woman-- no, the girl. It’s easy to forget that Cassandra is barely nineteen with the way that she acts, but staring down at her now it’s hard not to remember. Her blue eyes are wide and red-rimmed, although the tears have stopped at least. Her lower lip quivers just ever so slightly, her breathing still raspy and uneven. Cassandra builds herself up and hides behind masks (a de Rolo trait, apparently) and keeps everything in until she cracks and it all overflows at once (yet again, another thing that seems to run in the family).

Vex’s heart aches at the sight. She knows this. She settles down onto her knees in front of Cassandra, reaching up to touch the hand Cassandra still has wrapped around her arm with her own.

“Cassandra, if this is happening a lot then you should tell somebody,” she starts, and quietly curses herself because this is the same advice that she didn’t follow.

Cassandra shakes her head furiously at that, her voice heavy with desperation as she tries to make her understand-- not that Vex needs help understanding; this is all… very familiar territory for her. “No, no, I don’t-- I don’t want to worry him. I don’t want to worry _anyone_.”

She _aches_ at that. “Cassandra, I…” she stops, thinks over what she’s about to say, scraps it entirely, and starts again. “Cassandra, do you know that I have these too, sometimes?”

Cassandra stills. She doesn’t respond, but her eyes are focused on Vex intently.

Vex hasn’t-- she hasn’t admitted this to anyone, not outright. “I, uh, know what it’s like to not want to push your problems onto other people, to worry anybody. To worry my brother.”

Cassandra’s eyes flicker in recognition.

“And, because I understand what that’s like, I won’t tell Percy.” Cassandra visibly relaxes, practically going limp in relief. “But if you have another one of these, I want you to find me or send somebody to come get me so I can help you and we can talk, okay? If that’s alright. I won’t-- I won’t tell Percy if you say no to getting me, of course, but…” She trails off.

It takes a long moment, but finally Cassandra nods. “That seems… fair. You already know, after all.”

“Good,” Vex says, relieved. At least she can help, perhaps? Nobody ever helped her when she was young and hiding the worst of it.

Suddenly Cassandra’s eyes go wide, and she starts frantically patting herself down, seemingly searching for something. “I don’t know where I put--”

Vex, catching on, pulls a blue handkerchief from her pocket and hands it to her. “Here you go, darling.”

Cassandra shoots her a grateful look as she takes it, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with the handkerchief, sniffling as she tries to compose herself again. “Thank you, Lady Vex’ahlia.”

Vex shakes her head and waves that away. “Please, that’s so formal. Vex is just fine and, if you must, just Vex’ahlia works too.”

Cassandra looks at her with bleary, red-rimmed blue eyes for a moment before seeming to come back to herself a little more, taking a deep, shaking breath before she responds, “Alright. Thank you… Vex.”

“You’re welcome, Cass.” Vex pauses after she says it, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth before continuing, “Is Cass okay?”

Cassandra gives an unsure little shrug. “I haven’t really ever been called it much, outside of Percy a handful of times recently. It’s always been Cassandra or, way further back, Cassie. But… Cass is fine, I think.”

“Okay,” she says, relieved that she didn’t overstep the younger woman’s boundaries. She still feels like she’s walking on eggshells with her, afraid she’s going to push to hard and make her isolate herself. “Okay. Cass it is, then.” She gives Cassandra-- Cass-- a little pat on the shoulder. “Do you want me to stay with you while you clean up?”

Cass sniffles and takes a deep breath, seemingly gathering herself up a bit more now. “That would be nice.”

So she stays, sitting next to her and making quiet small talk about nothing much in particular. Cassandra doesn’t respond much but that’s okay. She seems to appreciate the company, the distraction.

When they finally make to part ways at the library door, Vex back to Percy’s room and Cass to her own quarters, Vex is stopped by a hand grasping hers before she can walk away. She pauses, turning to look at Cass. “Yes, dear?”

Cass seems to hesitate for a moment, unable to meet her eyes. Then, finally, those blue eyes, so much like her brother’s and the painting Vex has seen of the rest of the de Rolo family, rise and meet hers. She quietly says, “Thank you so much.”

Vex simply squeezes her hand.


End file.
